Where did I go wrong?
by Last First Kiss
Summary: With each breathe he shook,and he knew that should sit down and get this over with but those words only brought back memories that made him want to close his eyes and forget. Warning: Suicide. This is a fic about Dalton. :D Lots of Dalton Universe here :
1. First Verse

"We need to talk", Blaine says filling the air with a new type of silence, the type that would, maybe, end all of this.

Logan paces around, slowly, _Thud_. _Thud_. His pace as slow as his heartbeat, hard and heavy, like it carried all the burden in the world. With each breathe he shook,and he knew that should sit down and get this over with but those words only brought back memories that made him want to close his eyes and forget. And then he'd remember what he was fighting for, and opened them again to stare at the boy he once loved.

"Sit down", Blaine says and this was all too much like last time, and he repeats it just as Logan had before. _Sit down while you let me break your heart, so you have no reason to fall into anything when what I say leaves your world crashing down, and you just want to know, _Why?

Blaine sees Logan smile at him, but it's not creepy or hateful, Logan just smiles at him and he stares back, and Blaine wonders what could've been had he not let Logan go. They'd be holding each other, and maybe they'd've lasted longer, but he had broken them apart and knew that Logan needed someone better than him, someone who could face the truth and be true to himself. But today he knew his peace, and it was all over.

Logan just smirks, which leaves Blaine surprised and he just keeps standing there by the fireplace, leaving the other boy to just stare into the window to his right.

* * *

_"It's done. It's over, and I love you but I have to let you go", Logan says and he's trying to see through his tears if Blaine understands, and he cries his heart out, the pain overwhelming him, and he doesn't feel anything until two arms have been wrapped around him and _this always happens, _he thinks. _He always brings me back.

_"I know. . . Don't make me let you go. I love you and if you're happier this way, I will. But don't make me, Logan, please"._

_Had he said that out loud? _

_"Blaine, you'll always bring me back, but do you see yourself? I made you smile and laugh and I see you smile when you dream at night, and I think that I was the reason. But right now, your eyes are crying and you're holding me even when I already hurt you, I love you too much to see you like this, cause I did that too. And it will never happen again, Blaine. It never will. And I love you, but this is hurts me more and you won't always have to bring me back, Blaine. It will never happen again. And I will never hurt you again, but please, let me go. . ."_

_And Logan kisses Blaine's lips for the last time, just touching them and staying there as he holds the hand of Blaine that is touching his face, and when he lets go, he knows Blaine can see it, too. That it's over and Logan's decided this for far too long and nothing he can do can change his mind._

_"Logan, Please, don't make me let you go"_

_"Blaine, I'm sorry", and he kisses Blaine's hand and pushes him away and leaves Blaine there, staring at him as looks behind him once again before turning left back to Stuart, and Blaine dries his tears and heads for Windsor, hoping that maybe he'd be able to leave his tears in that room the same way Logan had left him. _

_

* * *

_

_This is about us, isn't it? But this. . . This is all my fault, why do I have to be so damn stupid and mess everything up? I don't know what I'm doing but I'm here for me, for Kurt, for what we could be. . . And I won't screw up this time, No. Not this time_, Logan thinks as he gets ready to talk to Blaine, to stare at the mess he's made.

This was only to let Logan know what had happened so maybe he find his. And maybe he would relish it, to finally give back the same pain Logan had given, or maybe not. He had broken Logan's heart too, so why exactly did he come to this room to relive this moment?

* * *

**A/N:(This is a flashback. Logan walks to the Commons as Blaine tells him to, and Blaine says, "We need to talk")**

"See you later, Kurt" , Logan says as he waves goodbye to Kurt.

"See you, Logan", Kurt waves back and goes back to his dorm.

As he made the long walk to Stuart, he wondered just what had he done to deserve meeting Kurt Hummel? His brown hair, blue eyes and porcelain skin made him perfect, and he could listen all day to his rantings as to whatever this Sue Sylvester character said was harder.

From: Blaine Anderson  
We need to talk. Meet me in the common's stat.

_Blaine,_ Logan sighs as he thinks of Blaine. They used to be so good, so perfect together, and it hurt that nobody knew, but it was okay. It would be their own secret. But everytime they sneaked out to meet at that secluded memorial garden after classes, he could see Blaine see just how much it was okay for Logan to keep it this way, if this was the only way of being together, and just how much it was Logan was giving for them. _For us_, Blaine thought. And everytime, Logan would catch him shed a tear, he leaned over and gave him a kiss, as if to say_ it's okay, the whole world will know in time. You're worth it, Blaine_. And that day, they stayed there for hours, and just told everyone that he was showing Blaine the whole Dalton Academy after 3 whole months and that's why they were late. And when everyone wasn't looking, he stole a kiss goodnight from Blaine, and walked the same way he was going now, before realizing he was going the wrong way.

As he made his way back, the 7 o'clock sky, dark and blue only reminded him of what he lost.  
They were best friends, only better. They were lovers. And he used to tell Blaine everything and be happy for whatever it is that happened to Blaine when he'd ask 'How was your day?' secretly when he reached his dorm, wether or not it was about how he got a solo or ran out of M&Ms. They stayed awake until the sun rose, and when Blaine would wake up there would be a packet of M&Ms right outside his door, and he wanted to pass by Logan's dorm but everyone might suspect so he just grabs it and saves it for later when he meets Logan.

Logan chuckled at the thought of Blaine, eating his M&M despite of what he had orginally planned and he would kiss Logan and both of them would smell like chocolate and as Blaine took a nap on his lap one day, he wondered just why would he stay with Blaine, who couldn't even tell anyone that he was gay? He knew that Wes and David knew, when he carried Blaine onto his back, piggyback style, cause he didn't want to wake Blaine up, up to his dorm.

Wes and David just looked at him saying, 'Thanks' and before Logan left Wes said 'Thank you" and when he asks why Wes just says that after a long while, somebody's made Blaine smile again. And he sleeps soundly that night knowing that he did that, that Blaine is his, and he made that adorable goofy chocolate-loving curly haired boy smile, after a long time. And it didn't matter if no one else knew.

Where did he go wrong anyway?

As if he didn't know. He hadn't meant to hurt Blaine at all, but sometimes it hurt too much to keep it all in, to keep lying. He lied to everyone and he knew it didn't have to be this way. It was coming to this one way or another. And his chest heaved at the thought of what he had done, and nothing, _nothing_, could ever make up for what he did to Blaine. He was sorry, he really was and he lost his friend along the way, but it had been too long, he had been alone for too long, and feeling was something he wanted to get used to.

To finally feel something, good, to feel happy again, to wake up with the sun on his face, and get up in the morning looking forward to rehearsing a duet with Kurt in the afternoon. To finally stop feeling so damn sorry for himself, because nothing would rid him of this guilt, and he knew he did his best. He knew he did the right thing, but why did he still feel so goddamn incomplete and alone all the time?

And he would've stayed by Blaine's side to stop the hurting that night, but he needed to find himself again, he was somewhere deep in this mess. He lost himself once, and it had taken him this long to find himself again.

As he walked to the Commons, he promised himself he wouldn't lose himself again. He wouldn't have lost himself anyway, had he known how to save himself.

* * *

**A/N: I used Cp Coulter's OOC. :) I give her credit for all the inspiration this chap has come from. :)**  
**PS. Also, check out her tumblr: .com **  
**PPS. (Her OOC was Blaine, Logan, Stuart, Windsor, That secluded memorial garden etc.) From 'Dalton' a fic that she made. :)**  
**PPPS. I hope you don't mind I might be using some more of her OOCs in the future, and I plan to always mention it or give her credit. :D**  
**PPPPS. .net/s/6515261/1/Dalton  
PPPPPS. IF YOU THINK THAT I GOT SOME IDEAS OFF YOUR FIC, I am truly sorry.  
(I got the M&Ms idea somewhere else, I'm sorry. Message me so I can credit you!)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE. Or any OOC from the fic 'Dalton' by CP Coulter. :)**


	2. I'm Not Bulletproof

A/N: This is a flashback. Blogan.

This hospital was stuffy and smelled like medicines and old cabinets. His limbs hurt, and his back aches and he has a headache, and still this night still wasn't through.

"I'm sorry", says Logan for the nth time, and if Blaine could possibly get any more tired, he was, from telling Logan to stop saying sorry.

"No. Don't be, I knew what I was getting into", says Blaine as he knew Logan, inside and out, and tired as he was, he could only do so much to help him now, being hospitalized and all.

"I'm sorry", repeats Logan, ignoring Blaine and blaming all of this on himself, which was partly true, but _this_ finally shook them both, as to _What the hell had they both been thinking?__This was the turning point in their relationship, and one way or another, they knew it would come to this._

"Don't say that. Please", says Blaine and it was getting harder for them now, holding onto each other like this, but each other only being the other's sweetest downfall.

"I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry, Blaine. Please, I'm sorry", mutters Logan, and this hits Blaine right through his heart, because all through out, Logan had never asked Blaine to forgive him, like as if what'd he'd done had been unforgivable.

'Please, Logan", a sob escapes from Blaine's lips and Logan places his arms around Blaine. He places his head just between the space where the neck and the shoulder meet and takes him in, closer to his heart. And he's truly sorry, he really is and silent words pass by them as Logan keeps Blaine in a tight embrace, and slowly, gently moves his arms to convey the words hanging heavy in the air.

_I'm sorry._

And the pain overwhelms Logan again, just like the anger did, and he hates the way it makes him feel, like as if he didn't have no other choice, and presses him forehead against Blaine's.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Blaine. I lost myself for awhile, and I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't mean to, Blaine, please, I love you, I have to let you go-"

"No. Logan.", Blaine says as fierce as he can but it doesn't do much. He was weak and stuck in a hospital bed. Holding Logan's face between his hand, light and heavy like they would let go, and stares at the window's of Logan's soul before staring at Logan's lips.

And he kisses them. Those green eyes that kept him up in nights when he could feel those against his face, and he snuggles closer and heaves a happy sigh. This stops Logan's tears and they see each other, after what seems like a long, long time. Logan's watching, he's looking at those brown eyes twinkle just for him and he knew he was wrong for ever making them sad or making them shed tears that add fuel to the fire of his mistake.

"I'm sorry", and this time they both know he means that _No_, Logan won't ever be letting Blaine go.

Logan sees that Blaine's looking at him, and his eyes are looking into his soul and Blaine lands a soft chaste kiss on Logan's lips, and it starts out soft and sweet and ends up being passionate and slow because this is all that takes Blaine to pull away after a short while, he could feel his tiredness upon him like relief, relief that he could finally sleep to know that Logan was still his.

Before drifting off, Logan knows through Blaine's passionate kiss and Blaine's smiling face as he sleeps, that yes. Yes, he had hurt this boy bad enough to be in a hospital and he forgives me and he looks at me with no judgement and he loves me. Blaine loves me. And he's done the same for Blaine. And if he truly does, if he _truly_ does, he wouldn't put Blaine into anything like this.

Logan hugs Blaine one more time and leaves, decided that if he truly loved his boy, he would have to give him up.

Blaine wakes up to a cold, empty space beside him in the middle of the night, hoping that Logan had come home safe and wondering what he would be doing around this time. As he stands up, he sees a packet of M&Ms on the table.

It always got to him how Logan had gone this long, for them to be a secret. He was gay, he was very much gay. He knew that. And he knew that this was making it so much harder for Logan, and today he felt Logan fight for them, and felt like he was the one breaking them apart. He sighed.

He just wasn't ready yet. Logan made him feel safe away from the bullies that led him to Dalton but he still felt scared. And he wished everything to stay the way they were but with Warbler rehearsals and final exams, he was grumpy all the time and he and Logan did nothing but fight.

He wanted to go back to how it was before, when things were simple and he loved Logan, and Logan loved him. But everytime Logan smiled, it hurt him the way it hurt Logan and he wished to break free and let go. He was happy to have Logan, and he would tell the whole world that he had Logan and he was gay.

But he felt something stop him, and he keeps fearing the worst and just goes back to wishing that everything was like the way it was before, knowing that would be impossible after everything that went down tonight.

He knew that he had to come out soon if he wanted what he and Logan were to last.

But even after tonight, after feeling the love he's felt for Logan, to forgive him with his whole heart because he knew it was his fault, too

He slept soundly knowing Logan loved him, but tossed and turned all throughout the night.

A/N: This is a flashback. Blogan. After the scene above.

After a week stay in the hospital, he's officially allowed to go to Dalton, with his room mate bringing him his homework so that he wouldn't be left behind on the schoolwork. A bit bed ridden, he could only walk so far alone outside Windsor, before everything ached back again and he walked as fast as he can upstairs to his dorm.

Withing a week, he was nearly fine, but a bit more fragile, and all of his friends had visited him and accompanied him but not a single word from Logan.

He didn't know what to expect, but he missed Logan, and if the doctor said he would be fine enough to go to school tomorrow he would pass by Logan's dorm, wether people could see or not.

As he walked over there, he could feel his palms sweating despite the cold, and he didn't know what to expect.

Knocking gingerly, Blaine feels a bit of relief when no one answers the door for about 3 seconds and then the door opens. He finds himself staring into the eyes of Logan, after a week, and reaches out to hug him but Logan breaks eye contact, goes inside the room ans tells him to sit down.

He feels like something is wrong, and his heart is expecting it, and he knows what going on and when Logan says it out loud, it cuts everything off Blaine and it takes him awhile to realize just what Logan said, what he meant.

Logan says it again, louder this time but his voice breaks and his eyes betray him and without a second thought Blaine crosses the few, long, hard steps between them and something snaps inside of him and he realizes that Logan can't do this anymore.

He can't stand feeling hurt when they ask Blaine if he knew Logan, and he would just say,"Yes. But we're not close or anything". He can't stand the feeling of having to hold back when he sees Blaine so that no one would see. He can't to keep all of this to himself anymore, especially when Logan seems to think that he's only ever hurt Blaine.

"It's done. It's over, and I love you but I have to let you go", Logan says and he's trying to see through his tears if Blaine understands, and he cries his heart out, the pain overwhelming him, and he doesn't feel anything until two arms have been wrapped around him and this always happens, he thinks. He always brings me back.

"I know. . . Don't make me let you go. I love you and if you're happier this way, I will. But don't make me, Logan, please".

Had he said that out loud?

"Blaine, you'll always bring me back, but do you see yourself? I made you smile and laugh and I see you smile when you dream at night, and I think that I was the reason. But right now, your eyes are crying and you're holding me even when I already hurt you, I love you too much to see you like this, cause I did that too. And it will never happen again, Blaine. It never will. And I love you, but this is hurts me more and you won't always have to bring me back, Blaine. It will never happen again. And I will never hurt you again, but please, let me go. . ."

And Logan kisses Blaine's lips for the last time, just touching them and staying there as he holds the hand of Blaine that is touching his face, and when he lets go, he knows Blaine can see it, too. That it's over and Logan's decided this for far too long and nothing he can do can change his mind.

"Logan, Please, don't make me let you go"

"Blaine, I'm sorry", and he kisses Blaine's hand and pushes him away and leaves Blaine there, staring at him as looks behind him once again before turning left back to Stuart, and Blaine dries his tears and heads for Windsor, hoping that maybe he'd be able to leave his tears in that room the same way Logan had left him.

Today, he realized he couldn't stand it either, and cried only to find out it took losing Logan to tell the world.

A/N: I got the Blogan OOC and lots more from 'Dalton' by CPCoulter. :) You should check it out. :D


End file.
